8 Stupid Cat Gifts

Last year’s post “8 Terrible Holiday Gifts For Cats” was such a hit I decided to reprise it for 2013. Just to be clear, these are the gifts your cats do NOT want to find under the Christmas Tree (if you’re bold enough to put up a tree that is!).

1) Tiaras 

As Grumpy cat would say. “NO.”

Stupid Cat Gifts
The most likely reaction you’d get from your cat will resemble that of the tabby (above right) and  you’ll forever have to sleep with one eye open.

What could possibly necessitate a cat requiring a bedazzled tiara or crown anyway? Is he or she in The Cat Universe Beauty Pageant? Does that even exist?

Even if you were to invest in one, how many seconds is that thing realistically going to stay put on said cat’s head? Come on people, this is what Photoshop is for!


2)  Sasquatch Pet Bed  (aka hideous oversized Croc knock-off)

Sasquatch pet bed

This cat’s face says it all. “What did I do to deserve this?”


As if Croc’s weren’t ugly enough on people, now we need oversized ones to place in our home for our pets?  And really, they picked the name sasquatch (aka Bigfoot)? I get it, it’s literally a shoe for a big foot, but it’s named it after a large, hairy half man/half ape?

No thanks!


3) Neuticles – fake testicles 

Yup, you heard me right. These are replacement testicles for pet that gets neutered. According to the website, “Neuticles allows pets to retain their natural look, self esteem and aids the pet’s owner with the trauma associated with altering.”

Fake testicles for cats and dogs

My absolutely favorite part of the website was the FAQ section where they pose the question “Can Neuticles be implanted in people.” This means people have actually asked it this question – like more than once! The answer is no (but only because it hasn’t been FDA approved!).

As ridiculous as I find these to be, if it gets people to neuter their pets then that’s something. But truly,  your pets do not need testicles for sself-esteem. Just give them extra loving and treats!


4) Kitty Sweaters 

I realize this will make me unpopular with some. I understand there are cats who get cold and require clothing (e.g. Sphynx, cats with health conditions) or the rare cat who don’t mind. But let’s be honest. You’re average cat will act paralyzed when you put any sort of clothing on it (Yes I’ve tried, but purely in the name of science!).

Stupid Cat Products

Do these look like happy cats to you?


For the most part, sweaters are for the delight of the owners, not the cat.


 5) Pawlish  – Pet nail polish by O.P.I

According to Wikipedia, “In 2003, OPI launched a nail polish line for dogs called Pawlish that received mixed reviews.” Hmmmm, I wonder why?!

Stupid Pet Products

While marketed mostly to dogs, it was also sold to felines. It seems currently eBay is the only place to find it.. But given it’s level of ridiculousness I had to include it on the list. At least Soft Claws serve a purpose and prevent declawing, but this is purely decorative (file under: pet owner entertaining him/herself at the cost of animal).


6) Cat Foot Mops

I this product in a book of Japanese inventions. Let’s hope it never makes it out of the prototype phase!

Stupid Cat Products

7)  Inflatable Unicorn Horn For Evil Cats

Just when we thought we’d seen it all – last year we featured the white inflatable unicorn horn –  it gets better. Or worse. Introducing the black inflatable unicorn horn for evil cats.

First off, did they have to use a black cat on the box? Or that Hissy black kitten in the promo shot? Don’t black cats have enough to deal with?

Stupid cat products

And just look at that poor black and white cat (above right). He’s like “What did I do wrong Mommy?” He doesn’t look evil in the least! Dumb dumb dumb. But once again, I do have to wonder how they kept these on the cats long enough to photograph!

8) Tattoos for Your Cat

Potentially the worse idea of all time. Apparently it’s all the rage in Russia. We can only hope it never comes stateside. I would hope animal rights groups would be up in arms!

Tattoos for your cat

So there you have it. This year’s 8 stupidest cat gifts. I’m sure there more – what did I miss. Please share. We must know what to avoid getting our cats!

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  • wow. seems like a lot of wasted energy there, creating this stuff. well, lots of people do dress their pets and i personally think that is ridiculous except as you mention for sphynx cats or maybe the older cat that can’t stay warm — but i bought my old girl a heated bed, and put a heated throw on the piled of beds my renal cat sleeps on. everyone should just buy catnip toys and have happy cats for christmas 🙂

    • Tamar

      I agree! Heating pad is a great idea!

  • Oh my Cod.
    I have no words.
    Katie & Waffles are even speechless.

    • Tamar

      Wow, now that’s saying a lot!

  • Rena

    The scary part is that people actually buy this stuff. Me-Ouch!

    • Tamar

      seriously! someone is getting rich off of it too!

  • My Cats would disown me if I tried to force any of the horrible things in this article on them. People certainly have either a really warped sense of humor…or as I like to believe are just plain dumb when it comes to buying gifts for their pets…tried and true toy mice, jingle balls (heaven forbid not jingle Testies!!) and treats are the hit at my house every time! Meow-y Cats-mas!!

    • Tamar

      Agreed Charmaine. Agreed! And I think all the kitties of the world would agree with you!

  • Patricia

    My boys had beautiful testicles, matching their tabby colourings perfectly. I felt bad neutering them. But if I were to put the implants in, I’d have it done at the same time as the neutering.

  • I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the nailpolish. I have a hard enough time clipping Noname’s nails – I can’t imagine trying to hold him still long enough to paint his toe nails… though, he’d totally rock that blue!

    • Tamar

      good point! hard enough to keep them still long enough for a nail clipping!

  • Rebecca

    I’m speechless….which as you know, is not my normal state of being. These are insane, and some are cruel, things to do to your cats. The tattoo thing really pisses me off and the mop shoes are just ridiculous. And dont even get me started on the fake testicles!!! Aaaahhhh…. Shower your pets with love, affection, fun toys, healthy food and a wonderful home. That’s all they need! xo

    • Tamar

      LOL! I agree – they are insane. But i guess people are making money off of them!?

  • oh my….

    though we have to say that our friend Robyn from Love and Hisses has one of those croc beds for her foster kittens in pink and it is kind of cute with a pile of kittens snoozing on it.

    as for the rest….yikes (and boo to any idiot that would tattoo any animal for their own pleasure)

    • Tamar

      Okay, i’ll be ANYTHING full of kittens would look ADORABLE! But minus the kittens I’m not so sure! LOL!

  • Oh my goooood!! Dunno which scares me the least!!! The testicles one is really freaky!!!! Yucks!!! And indeed scary enough there are people that actually buy this stuff!!! Hahahahahah aha
    Great list anyhow!!
    Have you seen our Xmas tree with their “paw socks” on?!?!? I guess this is how far I would go!! And inside the socks there will be treats!! Less for jasmine who actually put the tree down once (in 4 years it had to happen for the first time!!!) :)) last year they all eat some of the cookies!!!
    Merry Christmas to you and your gang from me and my gang!! X x x x x

    • Tamar

      You put cat treats on your tree? you’re really asking for it lady! LOL
      Merry Christmas to you and your brood from me and mine! Thanks so much for your readership – we really appreciate it! =^^=

  • jmuhj

    Yeah, well, in a morally bankrupt society such as this one, anything is possible…but just because you can, as they say, doesn’t mean you should *heavy sigh*

    • Tamar

      I concur. But I guess people are making $$$$ off this stuff….which does make me sometimes wonder why i didn’t come up with it however awful it is! LOL!

  • You mean cat tattoos are REAL?!??!! We had heard about them before, but we’d always figured they were gags generated from PhotoShop or something similar.

    Our only comment is those beans better sleep lightly if those kitties have access to the bedroom.

    • Tamar

      Yes the tattoos are REAL but from what I can gather in Russia only so far – let’s keep it that way!

  • #3 had me roaring. I don’t know about some of those like the mops. Oh no the tattoos are real. I thought they were fake too. How awful.
    Sue B

    • Tamar

      I know, the fake testicles – too much! better than NOT neutering I guess???!!!!

  • Ms. Phoebe

    Beware to the human who dares purchase me a unicorn horn to wear!! HISSSSSS!!!! And as a huge advoCAT of panthers like my angel sisfur, the makers of the black one and its advertising should be ashamed of themselves!!

    • Tamar

      I agree! Don’t black kitties have ENOUGH issues with their image (unfairly??!!!!).

  • What a great post! I agree, these are ridiculous gift ideas intended only for the pet owners’ delight especially the pawlish, sweater and omg, the tattoo! Our feline companion don’t need these to look lovable..

  • Okay, I’ll be the voice of the opposition here. Though on principle I agree with most of this (the tattooing, prosthesis and polish is cruel and not in the best interest of the cat for any justification), the bed is an issue of taste. The crocs thing is ghastly (I don’t wear crocs), but if that’s what you like and the cats sleep in it, why not? I had a friend make a bed for my kidz out of an old suitcase; not my taste but the cats love it and for the spot it sits in, it “suits” them (pun intended).

    The sweater thing; if you could get your cat to wear one you’d feel completely different about it. Many of you have tired and your cats rejected it and now it’s a horrible thing…rubbish. Yeah, my cats are nearly or completely naked and most of their clothing is practical, but just like my rejection of “traditional” cat furniture for more of what is not solely practical but fashionable, I wanted their clothing to reflex the same. Vanity, sure, but not all vanity is bad for the cats. We choose which cats we like out of vanity, doesn’t make you a bad person or your choice harmful. In the charity work that I do, people responded to my message better when the cats were dressed in tailored clothing (me handing out breast cancer information versus me handing out breast cancer information and getting a chance to talk with you because Moshe Moshi is in a breast cancer awareness themed harness…the latter worked better).

    Most of my objection is to the word “stupid”. Before you do anything with your pet, always think first what’s best for them, but a rejection of what you want out of this in your relationship with your pet is important too and it’s naive to think you don’t do some things with them based on what you like. Get real sisters, get real.

    For the record: anyone who tattoos a Sphynx should be de-nutted. ~:oP

  • Linda Nicola

    I have the croc bed for my kitties. It’s big enough for up to 3 cats to sleep comfortably. I got it from FAB.COM where I have bought other unique cat beds for my kitties. I do have to say though, I hate the croc shoes. There was a posting on FB about a tattoo artist in the US who tattooed his dog while it was out for surgery. He posted the pictures and all hell broke loose and he lost his job at the tattoo store. So that shows that idea it has hit the US but it’s not well received.