Of Meals and Men (1 of 3)

Is my love of good food so intense it could sabotage a potential relationship? Sure it sounds ridiculous, but a recent dating experience led me to examine the connection between man, woman and food.

I met M___, a single lawyer in his early 40s at a friend’s party. At over 6 feet tall with long graying dreads pulled back neatly, M____  was soft spoken and polite. While geographically undesirable (living in Long Island and working in the Bronx) I was willing to overlook it given he was the right age, cute, employed and above all, interested.

About a week after meeting, M___ called to suggest an after work drink. We met at the bar of a swank restaurant near my work.  It was around 7pm and I was peckish.  As we chatted I proceeded to devour – albeit as daintily as possible – the doll portion bar snacks before us and ask for more.

Two drinks later I was officially famished and casually inquired if M___ would be interested in ordering some food. He wasn’t hungry. Not wanting to make him feel like he had to buy me dinner, I didn’t press. We had another round of drinks and as he walked me home we made plans for dinner Sunday.

Back at the apartment, dinner that night was a cold slice of leftover truffle mushroom pizza and a mini Kit Kat bar that had fallen into the (empty) vegetable crisper.  While not the most satisfying meal, I was consoled by the promise of a dinner date in my near future.

Sunday came and M____ was running late. Though we’d planned on going out to eat, he suggested I grab a bite without him since he’d be a while.   My blood sugar was at an all time low having saved up all day for dinner.  In an overly cheerful tone (my attempt at masking my hunger-driven irritation) I proposed we reschedule for another night. M___ insisted, saying he’d come over as soon as possible if even for a glass of wine and conversation at my place.

Eating a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats with almond milk I held out hope we’d still make it out for a real meal. He arrived at 9pm and by 9:05pm asked for a local Chinese menu, “since you’ve already eaten I’ll just have something delivered.” I’d left the empty bowl and cereal box out on the counter top in clear view. Drats.

When the delivery guy arrived M__ sent him back when failed to arrive with the brown rice he’d ordered. A bold move I thought, considering we’d just met. But perhaps it was a good sign? A guy who knew what he wanted. Especially when it came to food.

M____ is allergic to cats and after two hours he started sneezing and said he should go. The timing was perfect I was having visions of leftover broccoli in garlic sauce.

Approaching the door he turned on his heels, back tracked to the kitchen, and deftly plucked the Chinese boxes from the countertop, dropped them into a grocery bag and with a kiss, walked out the door into the night.

We eventually made it out to dinner about a week later, stay tuned to hear how that turned out. Dare to venture a guess?

Find out what happened at dinner here.

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  • Maria G

    He’s a cheap bastard. And he’s allergic to cats. Why waste your time?

    • I HAVE CAT

      Well I was TRYING to give him the benefit of the doubt…or two! And he took Claritin. He likes cats, he is just allergic. i can’t argue with the cheapness though! Thanks for commenting Maria! Come back soon!

  • One word: Eww.

    • I HAVE CAT

      one word can say so much though Caroline! 🙂

  • Fergus (Golden Retriever) Corrie

    Allergic to cats when you are I HAVE CAT? No. Also; unreliable. Bite him. Bite his leg. Then wee on it. Then leave. That’s what I would do.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Trying to be open minded…he did take Claritin and he LIKES cats…but I must say I do like your approach! 🙂 Thanks for visiting and posting Fergus! Be sure to sign up for email updates and thakns for being a fan!

  • Y T Karashinski

    Is your love of food so intense that it’s blinding you to the reality of this jerk???

    • I HAVE CAT

      Trying not to be too picky or high-maintenance – sometimes it’s hard to know where to draw the line. Thanks for the support though 🙂

  • Don’t bother. That’s like going to a party, bringing a bottle of wine for the hostess and then taking the unfinished bottle home. (Of course, IS there such a thing as an unfinished bottle of wine?) ~~Marie

    • I HAVE CAT

      Hysterical – so true. I’ve never met an unfinished bottle of wine myself! But I like the analogy! Thanks for visiting and for posting – hope you sign up for email updates and read some of my older posts!
      T

  • Susan

    I guess that your dinner was even more interesting-hopefully, you had a snack beforehand! Great blog!

    • I HAVE CAT

      Susan – just wait until you hear the next installment! I promise it will not disappoint! Thanks for visiting and taking the time to post a comment! Best, Tamar and the kitties!

  • Allergic to cats AND interfering with food consumption? He’s gotta go! haha

    • I HAVE CAT

      I know right?! I’m TRYING to be open minded but seriously don’t get between me and my food…and drink! Thanks for visiting and commenting Catsparella! I’m honored! Hope you sign up for email updates and visit us on FB!

  • 1) he is allergic to cats
    2) you have to be sure to feed yourself and tuen down his offer of food next time
    3) there is something else wrong here, I can’t put a paw on it, but………….

    • I HAVE CAT

      HI! Thanks for visiting I HAVE CAT and taking the time to post! In fairness he was being a trooper about the cats and took Claritin…he lasted about two hours! Let me know when you put your paw on it #3 🙂
      Please be sure to sign-up for email alerts and follow us on FB! Thanks again for your support and come back soon!

  • Chris P

    One phrase which always seems to work for me is “Good Morning, Now Get Out!!” In this case, I think you should extend another invitation to Che’ Arsalanian. Order some fine wine…some Chinese food with brown rice. He knocks on the door..your lookin all sexy……he smells the garlic and broccoli…you smile….he sees the food…he starts to step inside…you say Get Out and slam the door in his face!! Helloooooo Rabbit!!!

    • I HAVE CAT

      I’m sure i don’t know what you are referencing (I am SURE You mean the Rabbit WINE OPENER..)
      Sounds like a good strategy though 🙂

    • Lisa

      Sad thing is Chris is that the fool would probably be thinging COOL FREE FOOD and not looking at our sexy girl.

      someone put his dreadlocks in a blender!!!

      • I HAVE CAT

        You might have a VERY good point there my friend…
        You rock Lisa! 🙂

      • I HAVE CAT

        so true Lisa!

  • Chris P

    In response to view from the side….You may be able to put a paw IN it though!! MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

  • Chris P

    Or maybe just hide him in the back of the couch!!

    • I HAVE CAT

      Along with the foster kitten!

  • Susan D. Smith

    Hmmm… let me guess… Your dinner out turns out to be Dutch Treat – or, he finds when the bill comes that he left his wallet at home so yoiu wind up paying for both of you. PLEASE tell me that he didn’t pull the “gotta go to the men’s room” trick and left you sitting at the table…

    Oh, yeah, bet he also loaded the leftover bread/rolls, creamers and sugar packets into his coat pockets. And took your leftovers as well as his own (“You’re not gonna eat that, are you?”)…

    This guy sounds like a real piece of work! 🙂 Stick with cats!

    • I HAVE CAT

      Oh my Susan, your comment literally had me LOL-ing! You will have to wait to see what happened on the next go-around! suspense! LOL! Thanks for visiting I HAVE CAT and for taking the time to comment! Tamar

  • Ok there is no way the second date went well. After that first one – what a disaster, plus allergic to cats – nope not a keeper that is for sure!!

    • I HAVE CAT

      Stay tuned to find out if you are right! You never know..there MIGHT be a turnaround story! 🙂

  • RUN–do not walk–to the nearest exit. Change your address or whatever it takes. Do not let this jerk in your life!

    “Older but wiser” 🙂

    • I HAVE CAT

      LOL! Love it – thanks for reading and posting! Be sure to stay tuned!

  • I have to agree to everyone else. Ewwwww. I don’t think I would want a guy allergic to cats plus so far you haven’t gotten any food which I guess is secondary but just saying.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Secondary!??!! LOLOL! Food? Okay, I guess compared to cats 🙂 Thanks for commenting Marg – be sure to stay tuned!

  • Two strikes against him and you still gave him the benefit of the doubt? Me thinks this calls for feline intervention – your cats should have a serious talk with you :-)!

    • I HAVE CAT

      I know right? I think they are asleep at the wheel those cats of mine!

  • Oh no! This is like a Seinfeld episode!

    I hope he’s nothing but a bad (yet sadly hilarious) memory now.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Happy to entertain! Glad SOMEONE is enjoying it! Wait for the NEXT installment! Thanks for visiting and taking the time to post! Love your blog, thanks for visiting mine!

  • Second date? WHAT second date? Neither of the previous misadventures sounds like a date to me. No wonder he’s single. Are you sure he’s straight?

    • I call ’em as I see ’em…..

      One thing I am known for is my Honesty!

      🙂

      • I HAVE CAT

        love it!

  • Um, we’re guessing that next date did NOT go well (just a guess, though!)…

    • I HAVE CAT

      Wait and you will see! 🙂

  • Are you friggin KIDDING ME!!!?????

    I am old enough to be your Mom and I am saying GET RID OF HIM………….N-O-W!!!!!

    OMG I was hoping that when you mentioned during the first date that you were hungry and asked if he would like to order some food and he said NO (after finding out YOU are hungry) that you would have agreed to NEVER…do you hear me? NEVER see this guy again?

    He is NO GENTLEMAN!!

    In the early stages of courtship, dating or whatever he was doing, a man should be at his BEST. Showing you his BEST SIDE, wooing YOU……..and treating you like a Queen (not in an anti-feminist way but with caring and consideration). He would be concerned for your welfare!

    His allergy to cats is a blessing in disguise……that is God’s way of saying “GET RID OF THIS LOSER….LIKE NOW!!!”

    I PRAY I read you canceled your next date…..do NOT “settle!!”

    • I HAVE CAT

      Caren you rock. I too am a very straightforward person so I appreciate directness! 🙂
      The problem is single woman of a certain age are always criticised for being TOO picky and TOO high maintenance and we let too much slide because of that I think. Always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt (or three!).
      Thanks for your continued support of this blog and for taking the time to post your thoughts!
      T

      • Oh Tamar I know! Trust me! (oh and thanks for the “you rock!!” 🙂

        I was a major “wild child” in my 20s and 30s. Didn’t marry the first time til I was 40….I was having so much fun going from jerk to jerk. I think that is why I had such a knee-jerk (pun intended!) reaction because I have “been there, done that” too many times!

        You are a beautiful, intelligent, caring, talented woman who deserves a man who will be tuned into what you want (and deserve). That is what my vehement reaction was all about.
        When you were saying about the “chances” that you give, I can sooo relate….

        I did the exact same thing far too often! It is trite but the right one WILL come along when you least expect it! This guy isn’t him! xoxo

  • Caren, you need to learn to loosen up and say what you really think…

    • I HAVE CAT

      Maybe if we give her time she will open up Kent! 🙂

  • Well, as an eternal optimist, I can *hope* that the second date went MUCH better, and he had a viable excuse.

    The man in my life is also allergic to cats, and takes Claritin daily :~) and luckily, this prevents MOST of the sneezling and snoofling. The kittehs all have given him a “paw’s up” for cushiony comfort. He was NOT a fan of felines before he met me and my furry children, and told me that if any of his old pals saw him now, they would be shocked beyond words. He’s not faking it, the Kittehs would tell me in VERY short order were that the case! They like him. And they are picky ferals.

    So one can *hope* ! However, having said that, if the second date turns out ANYTHING like the first two encounters, then I fear to opine that this is not a good match. A love of food and an acceptance of felinity are attributes of a passionate mind, after all :~)

    >^,,^<

  • Robin

    1. He “wasn’t hungry” or gentleman enough to join you for a bite to eat after two drinks at the bar at dinner time.
    2. He was “running late” on a sunday night dinner date – and suggested you grab your own bite????
    3. He arrived at 9pm??? (I do live in the suburbs now but on a sunday night???)
    4. The WORST – he took the chinese food with him???
    Watch out! I would not have made it to the next date, but can’t wait to hear what happens.

    • I HAVE CAT

      i love you Robin! LOLOL your train of thought is EXACTLY where I was/am! LOLOL! thanks for commenting!
      T

  • Sharon

    he sounds like an ass….LOL Just saying…

    • I HAVE CAT

      The second SHARON to share your strong point-of-view! 🙂

  • jmuhj

    Never thought I’d ever agree with a dog, but FERGUS!!! is a genius! Read, and do(o) on this ijit!

    • I HAVE CAT

      bahaha! hysterical! see, some things can bring cat and dog people together – like a bad date!

  • mponemon

    Hmmm lawyer…. chinese take out….. took the leftovers with him…… decided to give him a shot just the same….. hmmmmm OK date went like this. LOSER!!!! Got a good meal from him and didn’t put out you came out as the WINNER!!!! Love and Knishes,
    M

    • I HAVE CAT

      Mark miss ya! YOU ROCK! thanks for being an I HAVE CAT supporter! 🙂

  • Lisa

    The dude is CHEAP. He was probably born cheap and will die cheap. You are already thin enough. You are trying not to be high maintenance but don’t be slow LOW maintenance that the guy doesn’t even attempt to make an effort. I have only one word of advice for you…..NEXT!!!

    • I HAVE CAT

      well this seems to be a strong group of people on my blog – I LOVE IT! Thanks for offering up your support i love “slow LOW maintenance” i will have to keep that one in mind.
      Thanks Lisa for reading and commenting – hope you come back and visit us again!
      Tamar

  • Please, please, please, kick this guy (would call him a man, but I just can’t…prefer to call him an “ass”) to the curb. He is selfish, self centered and cheap. He will not change, and you will suffer. NEXT?????

    Keep looking.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Sharon, thanks for looking out for me! I just went on OKCUPID as of today (some dating website) so we shall see. If anything perhaps I will get more blog fodder! LOL!

  • holy hairball, Tamar…..i should have read the blog before i emailed you earlier…… now you must remember that i am much older than you. and i just came off a very bad situation which has left me firmly believing in being single, alone and happy as a clam for the rest of MY life, but i also understand that others may prefer to NOT be single for the rest of theirs. but, my dear….you ARE somebody and you CAN do so much better than that. as far as that jerk is concerned — time to change the litter box.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Hi Bonnie – thanks for the vote of confidence. I’m going to have to start using that expression “time to change the litter (box)”!
      I am sure you will enjoy the next installment!
      T

  • Man, he is giving lawyers a bad name! I can’t wait to read your next installment!

    • I HAVE CAT

      I hope you find it interesting enough!

  • Tamar, I would not give this guy the time of day after he took the Chinese takeout with him. That is just rude. And Claritin or no, how do you think an allergic guy is going to deal with your cats if you actually got married?

    Frankly, all this talk about how women “of a certain age” shouldn’t be picky really steams me. I held out for what I wanted… and I got it. (Of course, I had NO idea what I had bargained for, LOL! But I’m glad we stuck it out and are still together. It was an adventure getting there.) Hold out for that spark, and for some guy who both loves cats and who is NOT allergic to them, and for someone who at the very least leaves you the Chinese takeout on a second casual date. I don’t even think that’s very much to ask for.

    • I HAVE CAT

      I love how that taking of the Chinese food really steamed everyone (as much as it did me!). Nice to know I have lots of folks in my corner! Also nice to hear about people holding out and finding the spark (or sparkle! tehe) they were looking for!
      Thanks for commenting darling and do stay tuned! 🙂

  • That was my human talking, not me, BTW – she did not notice that my info was autofilled. MY opinion? Allergic to cats – dump him if you want a permanent relationship. I give him a paw up for liking kitties and making an effort, but I don’t think it’s quite good enough. Did he share any of the takeout with your cats? If not then, I’ll have to bump that down to half a paw.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Half a paw it is then..he didn’t even THINK to share the garlic broccoli with me or the kitties! Shame!

  • Long graying dreads on an attorney? Too funny! He has a lot of challenges at combining interests but sounds like a person who would try to work at it–after all, you MUST have mentioned your kitties at some point and he visited anyway, allergies and all. I’d suggest, though, that you have some backup food on hand if it’s his habit to miss meals like this. You worked too hard on your summer figure to dine on leftover truffle pizza and kit kats or cereal an dmilk on a regular basis.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Back up food! Love it! Thanks for commenting Bernadette, you never fail to make me smile! Be sure to stay tuned…!

  • I have really enjoyed the last 10 minutes reading all the comments – so funny! It seems everyone is of the same opinion, but I can’t wait to read the next installment!

    • I HAVE CAT

      I am absolutely loving the comments myself! Unleash people! LOL! Thanks for commenting – working on part two now!

  • starbucksgirl

    Not just a MEOW but many HISSES over and over again. The kind of growling hiss that causes tails to have sparks shooting out like fireworks on July 4th.

    Can’t blame him for the allergy.. although Zyrtec works a million times better than Claritan.

    IF you go for a second date he’d better arrive with a pound of catnip and some sardines (no mustard sauce, please) in tow for the kitties.

    My advice: change your phone number …..

    • I HAVE CAT

      Well, you’ll have to wait to hear what happened…but I promise you catnip was (sadly) not involved. Sardines neither (sadly, for the kitties).
      Thanks for visiting and taking the time to comment! Be sure to visit us on FB too! And sign up for email alerts if you aren’t signed up already!

  • GlamKitty

    OMG, I’m simultaneously giggling and groaning after reading Part One… and can hardly wait for the sequel!!

    (Also… if I’d been eating grapes or popcorn or jellybeans or anything else easily-tossable while reading your story? My monitor would now be splattered with said food, because I seriously wanted to lob something at the screen every time “M___” turned up… ;P)

    • I HAVE CAT

      OMG hysterical! reading your comment truly made me LOL! Love it! Thanks for visiting and commenting and be sure to come back to hear about the next installment!

  • This whole story leaves a bad taste in my mouth (ha, ha), T. Seriously, what good could possibly come of someone who is allergic to cats AND the whole food thing?

    You need someone who will adore your cats AND chow down some major food alongside you. You need my husband (but you can’t have him 😉

    Interested to see how this all works out…

    • I HAVE CAT

      Shoot! Does he have a brother?! 🙂 Thanks for visiting and commenting Angie!

  • I got nothing more to add, other than “There ARE Cute guys that LIKE CATS” out there, you know…. 🙂

    • I HAVE CAT

      yay! thanks for helping me to keep the faith! 🙂 hope if one soon!

  • Gail

    Tamar,

    Don’t do it – I can appreciate the fact that he took Claritan…but taking the Chinese food? There’s no gift better than someone giving you a sign that they are not worth your time. Can’t wait for the next installment!

    • I HAVE CAT

      Hi Gail! Glad you enjoyed the post! Working on the continuation now! It’s true about better to know sooner rather than later! 🙂
      T

  • Tamar, do you have this guy’s email address? Maybe if he got a link to this topic, he’d realize where he stands and leave the city – and maybe the planet.

    When I was a youngster, my first lover was 7 years my senior. Women “of a certain age” are often more interesting…

    • I HAVE CAT

      Well I always seem to get 20-somethings contacting me on online dating sites! I guess it’s a TREND!

  • Amy Roach

    Oh, Tamar, you do not need a man like that. Call me a little old fashioned but I think a man should take you to dinner and pay especially on a first date. And no “allergic” to cats man should ever get to be in your life, cause you are a package deal.. Cats come in with you. It took me a while but I did eventually found a cat loving dinner paying man and the wait was well worth the wait. Hang in there girl, in the mean time curl up with the ‘kids” and have a glass of chardonnay.

    • I HAVE CAT

      I’m right there with you! A FEW glasses of wine…I prefer Pinot Grigio or Malbec though! LOL!

  • Great story…I know I know very little about M but he doesn’t sound like he is going to last. Maybe it was just a bad week or something. Looking forward to the next post. Really enjoying your writing, you can say so much when you aren’t limited to 140 characters.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Thanks so much Waytt’s Mom and Dad 🙂

  • mar arslanian

    ah. A cliffhanger! Good thing I have insider info…

    • I HAVE CAT

      I am sure i have NO IDEA what you are talking about BABY SITTER! xxoxoxxo Miss YOU!

  • Alexandra

    Did he even offer to order anything for you or did he assume you were satiated based on the empty cereal bowl? If he didn’t ask but was just presumptuous, then that shows a lack of consideration. Great that he likes cats, that is a plus, however the Claritin is ultimately for his own comfort, just like the takeout was for his own comfort. My guess is that on the next date he either took you to somewhere of a fast food nature, or he wanted to split the bill, or gave you a limit on what/how much to order. Turning back to take the food with him is just in poor taste. Not cool.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Hi Alexandra – thanks for the support! Yeh, he isn’t the most considerate guy it seems…..stay tuned to hear if your prediction is accurate on the dinner date! Thanks again for reading and commenting! Best,
      T

  • sasha becker

    i think the guy is funny and considerate. he could have offered to take the garbage out as well though. who wants stinky leftovers in the fridge?

    • I HAVE CAT

      Well that’s certainly a different perspective….can’t wait to get your thoughts on the remainder of the story….

  • He did take the garbage out: he left.

    • I HAVE CAT

      touche!

    • sasha becker

      oh boy.

      • I HAVE CAT

        🙂

  • When is Part 2 coming out…can’t wait after reading all these comments.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Hi Lola! I am working on it now! Hope to have it up in the next day or so…i need to turn off my internet – i keep getting distracted by FB and emails! Thanks for reading and stay tuned! if you aren’t already signed up for email updates be sure to do so! And visit I HAVE CAT on FB (http://www.facebook.com/ihavecat).
      Thanks Lola!

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  • Mojca

    the first sentence of this post made me, basically forced me, to comment :-)))
    If you ever find time for books in your full schedule do read ‘A Year in Provence’ by Peter Mayle. It was such a joy to (re)read! An the way food is described there … It made me DROOL! I think some pages of my book will never be the same … 

    Not really on the topic, I know …
    love, M

    • Hi  Mojca! I’m glad I was able to “hook” you! And hope you read all three posts! 
      I’ve actually read “A Year in Provence” and enjoyed it tremendously! I read it when I ate meat, I’m now a Pescatarian Flirting with Vegan so not sure how I would feel about it now! Did you hear what happened to him though? He is no longer welcome in that town b/c of all the things he wrote about the townsfolk! 
      Thanks for visiting and posting a comment! 

  • Laura Kicey

    Even though this is 4 years old, I have to say this one didn’t sound like a keeper – HOWEVER – 7+ years ago I met a guy with a pug who was nearly deathly allergic to cats. He would almost have an asthma attack like reaction, though he liked them he could never have one or touch one. Over the years we built up his time around my one senior kitty and his tolerance. We have lived together now for going on 4 years and he no longer has a reaction to them AT ALL!! Through four different cats of our own, visits to shelters and other cat people’s homes. And is now a total cat guy. He was supposed to come to CatCon with me, but his pug is getting up there in age and losing mobility and he didn’t want to leave her boarded.

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