Wanted: A Man Who Loves Pussy (cats)


I recently asked an ex why men love dogs given they personify all that is deemed undesirable in the opposite sex – needy, dependent, requiring constant validation, easily excitable, unable to contain emotions (not to mention the love of snuggle time).  He replied, “They don’t talk and you always have the option of putting them outside.”

men who love cats are the best men

The perfect man

An acquaintance once asked her dad “why do most men hate cats?” He responded (apparently not missing a beat), “I think they remind us too much of smart-ass women.”

Both these anecdotes speak of the desire for an ever obedient, adoring and controllable female partner. So what then, can we extrapolate about the man who loves cats? The kind of person he is, and what type of partner does he want?



Secure with his Sexuality

We grow up learning that dogs are for boys, and cats for girls. Even today pet companies may venture so far as to show a woman or girl with dogs, but few portray a man or boy with cats. The man who is public about his cat-love is secure enough in his masculinity to go against social norms and express his love for an animal that is viewed as “soft” and “feminine” (which I have yet to understand given most cats are anything but –that’s another post!).

Men who love cats are the most secure in their sexuality

Paul Klusman NYT.com

In this assertion I am not alone. A year ago, the New York Times ran an article about the increasing number of straight cat-owning men. Paul Klusman, a very masculine looking engineer who made a video on youtube featuring his three cats believes, “Any single, straight man who has the slightest bit of insecurity about his own sexuality will probably find it difficult to admit to owning or even appreciating cats.”

Elizabeth Daza, a 28-year-old Manhattanite who has dated cat-owning men is quoted in the same article saying “Straight men with cats seem to be really secure and stable. They don’t need to be running around the park and proving their masculinity like the dog guys.”


The dog is the “insecure man’s best friend,” believes Mr. Scalia, a cat-owning science-fiction writer. “The dog is in effect, your wing-man. If you’re feeling insecure about your space in the world, you get a dog because he will always back you up.”

It’s true that dogs are ready and willing to provide unconditional love on-demand and are trusting to a fault. This has been proven in barbaric experiments where dogs were tortured by their scientist-owners and continued to trust their master to their death – literally licking the hand that killed them.

Cat’s don’t “do” adoration. The man with a cat is comfortable with love and affection that isn’t always on his terms.  In Mr. Scalia’s words, the man who loves cats “Is secure within himself,” asserting that he is, after all “sharing his space with a predator.”



The man who dislikes cats is like the man who dislikes gays. Both are fearful of what the feline/homosexual represent in themselves that they are not at terms with and reject. The man who loves cats is in touch with and accepts all aspects of his being – even those that might be viewed as “feminine”.

Stacy Mantle, the founder of Petsweekly.com, goes so far as to say “It’s the un-evolved members of the species who tend toward abuse of cats — and oftentimes, women and children.”  It is her belief that men are becoming “cat literate” because more and more men are themselves, evolving.

Recently I asked 15 of my female friends – both cat owning and not – to list the adjectives that came to mind when they thought about a cat-owning man. I was pleasantly surprised that “deep”, “wise” and “introspective” came up numerous times. These words were not associated with dog-owning men (because I asked about that too).  Maybe we can convince Men and Cats to create a “single with cat” section?

Patient and Accepting

“Calm”, “patient”, “nurturing”, “easygoing”, “not controlling”. Some of the descriptors my girlfriends attribute to the cat-loving male. And frankly, it makes sense.

Dogs are obedient and faithful by nature, but a cat’s love must be earned. They provide affection on their timeline – not yours. When you first bring a cat home, chances are it’s going straight under the closest bed or sofa. Days might go by before the little critter comes out let alone shares the sofa with you.

The man who likes cats knows to speak softly and kindly to the animal, bring it food and give it space and time. He knows that as long as he doesn’t scare him or force him, soon enough the cat will be rubbing against him purring and curling up on the sofa to watch TV.

Arnold Leo, a commercial fisherman with a penchant for cats put it best, “You can get cats to do what you want if you draw them into it,” he said. ”It’s a question of attraction rather than intimidation.”’

That’s what I want in a man, someone who doesn’t come on too strong and who has the patience to get to know me and accepts me for who I am.

So Let’s Recap

Men who like cats are comfortable with themselves and their sexuality and are in-touch with their “feminine” side. They are patient, easy-going and accepting.  They can love even when it’s not always on their terms. They are not controlling but rather accept and appreciate things as they are.

In summation, I believe wholeheartedly that the cat-loving man is in fact the perfect* mate for the opinionated, loving and independent single woman.

*Please appreciate that I resisted the fleeting urge to write “purr-fect”

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  • Joyce

    Well said.
    I’m honored to have contributed to the research.

    • Gary

      I had a Siamese I named Spider Mike after the trucker in the movie convoy because he was so talkative, it took some time to get him to trust me but when he did when I came home from work he would roll down the stairs to greet me as if to say I am not here to attack you but want your love. I kissed him on the nose and called him my blue eyed brown eared spider and he would reply by putting his paw on my mouth.

      • Tamar

        awwwww U ==I love it Gary! so sweet! tehe!

  • Works for us cats!!!! Now if we can just find the cat loving man for our Meowm…….

    • tamcalinyc

      My boys would like the same (so would I!).

  • Your blog cracks me up. I don’t know how bitter and lonely NYC is, but that city is overwhelmed with dogs. Its good to read some criticism of it

    • tamcalinyc

      Hi Nick, thanks for reading! I don’t dislike doggies, but I do think cats get a bad rap. And i think men who own cats are pretty rad 🙂

  • Daddycat approves of your post.


    • tamcalinyc

      I thought he might like it! 🙂

  • weezey

    I have a cat-loving man and he has all the best qualities you describe above. I am a believer. 🙂

  • I, single-pawedly, have turned my Dad from a “dog person” into a “cat person”. He freely admits it, but I tend to think he had all those positive traits mentioned before he made the change.


    • tamcalinyc

      George, I take it you are the leader of the crew. It seems the other cats are not-so-much with the internet eh?
      Glad you are reading the blog! Thanks!

  • Zorin

    There are plenty of us guys out there who adore cats with a passion, and who would love to find a female cat lover to share our adoration of felines with. 🙂

    If I were local to you, I’d be asking you out right now! But sadly, I’m way down in Miami. I do hope you find your ideal cat-adoring guy, though. We’re out there.

    -Zorin, lover of all things feline and proud.

    • Ihavecat

      Zorin – shame on me! I just realized i only responded to you in my mind! Thanks for stopping by. Good time to be in Miami! GOoooooo guys who love cats and can admit it!

  • Love your post! Very, very insightful.

    I’m married to a reluctant and sometimes deceptive convert. A true dog person at heart that somehow found it in his heart to bring me home a kitten for an anniversary present. It’s been five years now and it’s harder and harder for him to hide the fact that he loves our little Katie. They both pretend to antagonize each other in almost a cat and mouse sort of way. But guess who comes running when he calls her? Guess who curls up next to his open laptop every time he turns it on? Guess who will even fetch a little stuffed fish when he tosses it across the room? My husband likes to say he’s trained our cat Katie like a dog. He even calls himself the Cat Whisperer. You can read between the lines now can’t you…under all that dog-love manliness, he’s really a soft hearted kitty-lover.

  • T,
    Thank you for all of your wonderful comments…
    I’m so happy you stumbled onto Katie’s “Catflexing” post… it’s one of her best! I about died when I found the book online.

    Katie’s had a very tormented day in the townhouse. Halloween and all, you know. You’ll have to drop by and take a peek.

    Happy H!

  • Rebecca

    excellent post, i totally agree. Having had relationships with cat hating, cat loving and cat ambivilant men, the cat loving were the most secure in themselves (and interestingly, the best lovers) with the cat hating being insecure, still attached to the apron string, often passive agressive and frankly…rubbish in bed!!!

    Cats rule….mine is an excellent test of character in a man….if they don’t like her, they’re out!

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  • While we agree with you about male humans who love cats, we have sure our human dad NEVER sees this post. If he were to see all those words of support, he might start to get a big head and he wouldn’t be nearly as good a member of our staff as he is now.

    • Ihavecat

      Thanks for reading and for your comment.
      I agree, you can’t let him get too high on himself. He must know who is in charge!

  • Hiya,

    Love the blog.

    I have always loved cats and have two FIV+ cats, Alfie and Frankie, checkout their website: http://www.alfie-cat.co.uk and photoalbum:


    created to promote understanding and info on Feline Immunodeficiecy Virus.

    Best wishes

    Leigh (The Mogfather)

    • Ihavecat

      Thanks so much for stopping by! I love that you adopted 2 FIV+ cats. I wish I had thought to do the same but I didn’t know much about cats when I got one – as can be seen in many of my posts esp CATMANDO(NOT)!
      I can’t wait to check out your blog!

  • I can see there are definitely two camps. But I’m still on Team Dog. I’ll choose an openly loving, heart-on-his-sleeve, physically active, joyful dog guy over a distant, reserved, love-on-his-own-time cat guy—every time.

    This is my take on it: http://thebreakupdiet.wordpress.com/2009/05/22/relationship-material-a-guy-and-his-dog/

    • Ihavecat

      Thanks for your comments and your insightful take on the topic!

  • Very interesting, indeed! I love women and cats, and have one of the former and three of the latter.

    You might like our free, monthly felizine (feline magazine) at http://www.CatnipChronicles.com where we celebrate the joys and wonders of cats. We’re also on Facebook.

    • Ihavecat

      Thanks for visiting, reading and commenting Kent!

      Glad you have 3 cats and not women! Will check out your Felizine and your FB page!


    • Ihavecat

      i will post a link to your website on my FB page – i just signed up for the newsletter! GOOD luck to you! can’t wait to read it!

  • Thanks very much. If you’d like to read the current issue, there’s a link at the top of our home page.

  • Interesting points. I am a guy who loves cats. I love all animals but I’m more of a cat person than anything else. There are definitely other guys in this camp, quite a few of my guy friends have cats. Even some of the single ones. So you’ll probably eventually find yourself a cat-loving single guy.

    I liked this essay on popmatters about cats and gender http://www.popmatters.com/pm/column/66747-look-what-the-cat-lady-dragged-in/ some interesting stuff there too.

    • Ihavecat

      Thanks so much for checking out my blog and for taking the time to comment. And I’d never seen that Popmatters post before – LOVE IT! Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

      Posted your site to my facebook page (I HAVE CAT) hope you join!

      You might also enjoy my post about how I think having had cats growing up would have helped me better understand and relate to men!
      CAT MAN DO (NOT)

  • Well, ..wow! 🙂
    I’m not certain I go along with all that was presented.
    But that might well bring distiction to the value of diversity.

    I like the exploration and sharing of what you found along the way, thank you.
    I agree with with the other verifications, there are a lot of guys who like cats and don’t wear mascara;-). Me thinks the city that never sleeps is a bit more cloistered than it would care to admit? Perhaps… a road trip?;-)

    I expect all the best for you young Lady,
    thank you for the read.
    Good Write!

    • Ihavecat

      Thanks across the board Patrick! Hope you come back to read more! So where should that road trip be to then? 🙂

  • Zee

    FINALLY! Someone explained what I’ve been trying to explain to people. 😀

    (The Crazy Cat Man)

    • Ihavecat

      Happy you approve and agree Zee! Now how can we get rid of that CCL stereotype?!

  • Becky

    Interesting. There are some who have this silly prejudice against cats, but I think there are also pretty many who are totally unaware (or just don’t care) that they are not *supposed* to be open about having a cat. I’d be curious to know what percentage of people have this “real men don’t like cats” prejudice, because I know very few in real life!

  • Jynxetta

    Well-put and on the nose! Kudos!

    • Ihavecat

      awww, thanks Jynxetta! Still think there are too many men who are not open to kitty love but I hope that will change! Thanks for taking the time to comment on this post. I hope you check out some of my older posts and sign up to get email alerts!

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  • I haev to agree with all you said, and I proud to admit that I love cats. In fact, my Facebook profile picture is my two cats laying together. I’ve always been an animal lover, but love for cats came with my first cat, Callie. She lived to the ripe old age of 19, and I cried for weeks after she passed. Now I have two new cats, just over a year old. Leo, a ginger cat, and Chloe, who looks like a cross between a black and grey tabby, and a maine coon….which ironically is what Callie was.

  • Susan Nielsen

    I guess I raised both my sons right. They both love cats (my youngest has 2).
    And BTW ladies, they are both single right now 🙂

    • I HAVE CAT

      LOVE IT! Thanks for posting Susan! Gooo men who love kitties!

  • What a great article! I wrote a similar one with a slightly different focus, but yours is better. Thanks for spreading the word, it’s a much deeper observation than it initially seems …

    • I HAVE CAT

      Thanks Ed – for visiting and for the compliment, and for taking the time to post your comment!! I’d love to read the piece you wrote – is there a link you can send?

  • Actually, you’ll be able to read Ed’s essay in the October issue of Catnip Chronicles! Thanks, again, Ed!

    • I HAVE CAT

      Can’t wait! Thanks Kent!

  • Lana

    I enjoyed this very much! thanks for writing it.

    • I HAVE CAT

      Hi Lana! Thanks so much for visiting I HAVE CAT! Glad you enjoyed this post and hope you check out more of the blog!

  • I meant to post this yesterday. Ed’s essay:



    • I HAVE CAT

      Thanks for sharing Kent! Love it!

  • LOVE LOVE LOVE it ! I have said for years that wolfdogs are really big cats in drag. I am owned by wolfdogs and feral cats, therefore, I am d00med, and yet, incredibly, have found someone who fits all the above-mentioned criteria !

    Now where did the kittehs hide the remote…OH I see, they gave it to the woofers. The wolfdogs ate it.


  • As a single man with cats, I have been hoping to read just a post such as this.  You speak the truth, even though I often doubt myself.  After all, I’m still single, and haven’t yet realized that my two Russian Blue buddies Marty and Angelo embody all the confidence I need to excel in the dating world.  Thank you for putting words to what I now recognize as the obvious.